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Never JUST a Wife and Mom

Shantel Walz adult ambition autonomy baby blog blogger break children confidence creativity dynamics expectations expression family fatherhood free free spirit goals guilt husband inspired journey kid life marital bliss marriage men mom guilt momblog mommy motherhood musings no guilt parenthood parenting parents realness rethink roles self care thanks thoughts toddler wife women writer


Thought I wasn't gonna get around to posting this week, huh? Yep. So did I. LOL! But here we are. Recently, I posted on Facebook about my excitement regarding my son’s upcoming foray into public school. I'm BEYOND ready for him to be out of my sight for a few hours during the day. Like, seriously…we see each other too much. Not to mention, I HAVE GOALS. I noticed upon posting my elation (and subsequent celebratory twerking) that people really love to put other folks in boxes. Since that post, I've read and heard things like: “You're not gonna know what to do with yourself when he's gone.” “You're gonna cry when he goes to school.” “You'll have plenty of time to relax.” “You'll be the first one in line to pick him up.” All of that sentiment gets “The People’s Eyebrow.” I don't do well with guilt; it rolls off my back like water on a duck's. It also made me think. Why do people assume that autonomy ceases when we become mothers? Why do we have to JUST be a mom or wife?

Anyone who knows me personally will tell you that I'm a free spirit in EVERY sense of the phrase. I was the little girl who when asked what she wanted to be when she grew up, would give a list. Nothing's changed, by the way. I've never put myself into any box and it irks my only nerve when others attempt to do so. We ALL have the potential to live full rich lives doing whatever the hell we want with our talents, time, and thoughts. When I decided I was ready to be a mother, it was not at the expense of any future plans I had for my life. My child would be an enrichment to my happiness and purpose, not my only manifestation of happiness and purpose. Being a wife didn't mean putting myself into any wifely boxes either. My happiness depends on me and being free to be myself. If my husband didn't understand that, he certainly would not be my husband.

To everyone who was a little concerned about how I'll ever go on when the little guy's away, it's cool. Worry no more (insert side eye). When he's in school, I'll be creating whatever I decide to create that day. I'll be taking time to learn new things, take risks, and reach personal milestones. I will run my business diligently and contribute to the financial stability of my family. If I cry, they will be tears of extreme joy and elation. My only time to relax will be the drive to and from his school because my plan is to make the best of his hours away. As for being first in line to pick him up, I might be…it'll be exciting to see him after he experiences something new PLUS I might miss him a little. Added bonus: I'll be able to go to the bathroom alone without a little person telling me to stand up to pee or sitting in the bathtub rushing me to finish my business.

Moms, wives (maybe some dads, husbands although y'all don't seem to have this issue), don't allow people to put you in any box or try to determine how your life should be based on their choices or lack thereof. Family life has the potential to sap away semblance of your former self. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for wanting happiness YOUR WAY. I'll be zamned if my life is gonna end at “wife and mother.” I'm never going to be JUST anybody's anything. And on that note, I've got a kid to feed, website to update, and smoothie to make. K, bye. 

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